Ever get “Uncomfortable” feelings when you try to do something new or try to follow our values? Of course you do! We all do. For me, it makes sense to view these feelings as monsters. Typically, for me, most of them aren’t something out of a horror flick, but rather an awful lot like the monsters in Monsters Inc, the movie. (For more information on that topic, check out my Lessons Learned From Monster’s Inc. blog here).

So when an uncomfortable feeling like fear gets in the way of someone pursuing what’s important to them, the first step is getting it out. We will often draw it out, literally getting it on paper. If the person isn’t someone who connects with drawing, sometimes we’ll just describe it in detail, but the key is to recognize that fear is an emotion that we are experiencing, it’s not a part of us! By putting it on paper, or visualizing it apart from us, we begin to get a better perspective.

For most of the people I work with (and myself!) most of the times that we experience fear it’s somewhat expected or “normal.” For instance just this week I decided I really wanted something. What I wanted required me to attend an audition. My theater-loving followers will understand this in and of itself usually uncomfortable to say the least. Only this time, it wasn’t at my local theater. No, this time I would have to drive to a new location, try to figure out how to get in the theater, talk to tons of people I don’t know, wait to try to figure out how the audition would be run, and then audition in front of strangers whose very job it is to judge me. So, yeah, “Hello, fear!”

I think even those unfamiliar with auditions will agree that this is a stressful, if not fear-producing event. But let’s look at some other more common occurrences. Imagine the divorcee who has decided that they are ready to put themselves back on the market deciding whether to open an online dating profile. Imagine the entrepreneur who quits a reliable job to open a business or the retiree who has to decide what will fill his next chapter. Imagine the person summoning up the courage to tell a loved one that what they did hurt them deeply. Imagine the person who has decided this is the year that they are going to get more healthy. Imagine the person waiting for test results at the doctor’s office. We all get these experiences, and if that person came to us and said, “I’m really scared” it might take a lot of self-control for us not to answer with “Duh!”

So, if we agree that these activities are typical for fear to show up, then what’s next? Well, in What’s so Wrong with Avoiding? we explored the option of just not doing the activities that encourage the uncomfortable feeling to appear. So, we’ll skip that option for now. The remaining option is to do what we value EVEN WHEN fear comes along for the ride!

I once worked with an individual who struggled with extreme panic and anxiety around driving. We drew her anxiety. We worked on all the visualization and coping ahead. And when the day came for her to try to drive further than she has in the last 5 years, we buckled that picture into the back seat. We decided that we knew fear was going to show up, we might as well invite him. Then we decided that the back seat was the right place for him, since he wasn’t the one in charge. But what is it that made her want do it? Why not just walk and take a cab? What lied on the opposite side of this car ride?

The answer is simple and one I have talked with others about on an almost daily basis lately; she valued ADVENTURE. She had a strong desire to go and see her friend and she couldn’t do that in the confines of town. What made me go to an audition that was even more stressful than the ones I usually attend? Adventure! I wanted to do a part I’ve never done. I wanted to grow and expand.

There are many values and you can apply these principles of recognizing fear as a fellow sojourner on the road to your value, regardless of which you choose. And, at the same time, I want to talk just briefly on the benefits of adventure. I personally believe we were created to go on adventures. I believe that in the depths of our spirit each of us has a desire for adventure (although what that adventure entails varies wildly).

There’s a reason why novels and movies like Lord of the Rings, or The Hunger Games, or Harry Potter, or a thousand others, are so successful. They are FILLED with adventures and that resonates deeply within us. However, I think that they have also done us a bit of a disservice. Too often we look at the adventures we see in literature, theater and film and think that this is the sole definition of adventure. We imagine it must be big, it must be ordained by some fairy godmother or wizard. But sometimes adventure is trying a new fruit, or attending a party where you don’t know many people. Sometimes adventure is getting in the car and driving down a random road. Sometimes adventure is taking a vacation. Sometimes adventures are with others and sometimes they are alone.

Adventure is what allows us to grow. Adventure is what allows us to discover who we are, what we like, what we value, what we desire. Adventure is the very act of moving toward our values EVEN WHEN fear shows up for the ride. Notice that this definition implies a subtle shift in how we view these journeys. Often we see this journey as a “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” moment. We recognize “If I want this, I have to do that.” But if we change that to “I’m going on an adventure” our focus shifts, it may be less of a burden more of an opportunity, a privilege….. an adventure.

So, this long post is meant to lead to this one thing. A homework assignment:

  1. Dream up an adventure; small or large, planned or spontaneous, alone or with others, new or common place.
  2. Invite fear along for the ride. Let him know, “You’re welcome to show up. I’m headed on an adventure. You don’t get to pick what we do, but if you’re going to show up, that’s up to you.”
  3. Buckle fear in, and hit the road!!! The adventure awaits!