Whether you enjoy and seek out scary movies or whether you avoid them like the plague, my guess is you’ve seen this story play out on the screen and in real life.  You see, even in movies like “Jurassic Park,” this element is almost always included.

The group of characters on which the movie centers are being chased by something.  For the sake of argument today, we’ll use the dinosaur in Jurassic Park.  They’re all hiding as best they can, but they are pretty much out in the open and sure to be spotted.  Then someone sees it; shelter.  They make a pact, “On three, everybody run to the garage.” One…two….three…run! As the group is making a mad dash to the garage, one of the individuals always does it. They look back behind them at the dinosaur. And the movie watcher inevitably wants to scream back at the screen, “Just keep running!” Why are we tempted to yell at actors who can’t hear us? Because we know the pattern. The person who looks back almost always gets eaten, killed, lost, etc.

You see, this person isn’t always the least fit, or the slowest runner, or some how less intelligent than the others. What they are is the person who was running away from the dinosaur. I know what you’re thinking, “They’re all running away from it!” But, I like to propose that this isn’t the case. You see, the other members of the group were running TOWARD the garage while this character was running AWAY from the dinosaur. The group was focused on a goal (increasing safety) and this guy was focused on a fear (avoiding danger).

It’s the slightest of differences, and it is of the greatest importance.  As we have all sat and contemplated our resolutions for the new year, our jobs, our health, or our living locations, we have either looked to move toward something or away from something. Often the same resolution or goal can be motivated by both of these.

Every year people go on a diet at the beginning of the year. For some it is moving TOWARD a goal of increased health, longer life, ability to run a 5K or knock another item off the bucket list. Others are motivated by fear or shame. Perhaps they are worried about what others may think, or feel like they should be skinnier, or that they are somehow not enough.

It can be tricky to recognize if you are moving TOWARD something or AWAY from something. I can say I want to move toward something, “If I lose the weight I’ll go on more dates” and actually being moving away from feelings of loneliness and thinking “I’m not enough.” In fact, for some of us, the two things seem inextricably woven together.

So, if we agree that moving TOWARD something is more likely to result in you getting to your destination than running AWAY from something, and we agree it can be tricky because I can sometimes be motivated by both at the same time, what are we to do? Well, the answer lies in values.

Values are qualities of action that can’t be achieved in and of themselves, unlike goals. What you value most in life may be very different than what I value. Part of living the life worth living is learning to create goals and take actions in directions that move you toward your goals, even when it’s uncomfortable, or difficult.

So how do you figure out what they are? Well, I find it really helpful to use a values sort.  You can find some online. Use this list to sort of begin to define what’s important to you. Get it down to just 3 top values. Then, reflect on these questions:

  • How am I doing? (Rate yourself 0-10 with 10 being fully aligned with this value.) Are my choices and actions in life moving me toward these values? (Your answer may be different for each of the values).
  • If I were to increase my score in just one value, just one point (ie. moving from a 5 to a 6), what is the next smallest step I could take?
  • What might get in my way? Think about internal obstacles like uncomfortable feelings (fear, anxiety, worry), thoughts (it won’t work, it takes too long) or physical sensations (fatigue, lack of stamina, hunger). And what can I do ahead of time so this doesn’t stop me from taking that next step?

My wish for you this year, is that you are able to take actions TOWARD your values this year and experience them in a new and fresher way and, as a result, live the life worth living!