I remember hearing about the bystander effect. I’m pretty sure that the first time I ever heard it was a sociology course in high school. Regardless of where I heard it; I heard it at a time when I was young, naïve and believed the best in all people, to include myself. If you don’t know what the bystander effect is, it’s a well researched psychological phenomenon that says the more people present during a crisis, the fewer people will respond with help.

I remember thinking this was preposterous! I mean, there was research and videos, so I supposed it was a thing. But, certainly I would never stand by while someone else suffered. I would always offer assistance and never shirk my social responsibility to be connected to those around me.

Fast forward over two decades.  I am driving to my usual breakfast spot and out of the corner of my eye, I spot a woman lying on the sidewalk. In my morning “no coffee stupor”, my first thought is “Silly teenagers sleeping waiting for bus.” (Okay, maybe it wasn’t that generous of a thought). Then, I notice she moves. It’s not a typical movement. It was better described as a flail. It was not a grand mal seizure, I’d seen those. This woman clearly did not have full control over her body. Mind you, I’m driving along at a pretty decent clip. For the next bit, I’m looking into my rearview mirror and my mind is in a full on battle:

Should I call 911? Is she ok? Oh, with all these commuters someone has surely called. You know there’s a strong possibility she’s overdosing and every second counts, right? Look, someone else looks like maybe they pulled up.

I wish I could say I called the police immediately. I did not. Although the argument above in reality only lasted 2 minutes at most, when I hung up with the 911 dispatcher, I was ashamed. I came very close to not attempting to help someone in clear physical distress. What was wrong with me?

Then, I started to reflect on myself and society lately. The #metoo movement is filled with people whose victimization was seen by others, and we said and did nothing.  Schools are filled with students and teachers alike, who see people being bullied and do little to stop it. How often do we pass those in need of food or water and think someone else will fill the need? How often have we seen someone crying and been too busy to see if we can help?

In a world that has, in many ways, become so small (with social media, cellphones and live streaming videos) it seems we may actually be further disconnected than ever before. When I first learned to drive, if someone had a flat tire, people stopped. Why? Because they knew that person needed help and couldn’t summon it. Today, very few stop. Why? Because “I’m sure they have a cellphone.” I’m just curious if we need to re-examine the bystander effect and our role in it.

Now, I can already see the comments in my mind. YES, I am aware that not everyone who is asking for aid is in need. YES, I am aware that many of them use any cash donations they receive for drugs. YES, I am aware that there are people who do truly evil things and may be luring someone in by pretending to be in automotive distress. This blog is not intended in any way to encourage people to put themselves in danger.

Instead, lets start even smaller. When you hear someone belittle someone else, speak up! When you see someone ostracized, open your circle! When you see someone hurting, ask a genuine question and then listen for the full answer. In one small area of your life, be an activator rather than a bystander. If you choose to take even greater social justice actions, GREAT! And in the interim, let’s work on just reducing the number of areas where we are a bystander every day.

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