I was recently consulting with a colleague on a particularly difficult case. As my colleague shared his client’s situation a bit and the clinical impressions, I found myself asking him, “Is it possible that your client has confused his Observing Mind for his Critical Mind?”
You see, your Observing Mind is the part of you that has been there since you were born, just taking it all in. It sees everything that happens both internally and externally; every event, every conversation, every thought, every emotion and every somatic experience. Mindfulness practices often rely on this part of the mind to recognize what is happening in this present moment and to focus our attention. Connecting with this part of us is an important step in accessing our Wise Mind.
Our Critical Mind, as I call it, is the center of our judgments; those thoughts and opinions that present themselves as fact, but are really just thoughts and opinions. This part of our mind is learned and highly influenced by socialization and relational beliefs. It’s most often strongly connected to the center of our insecurities. So you can see how this could be a difficult portion to manage. When the Critical Mind is overly active, we often see people reacting solely out of rationality or emotions and not choosing balanced action.
As my colleague and I continued to speak, he found this question to be helpful in reorganizing his case conceptualization. I gave myself a mental pat on the back for recognizing the pattern and promptly put this conversation away in my memory bank.
Fast Forward about 2 weeks and I was pursuing one of my favorite hobbies, community theater. I was playing a moderate sized role in a local production. For two nights in a row I struggled. My lines were memorized, my character developed, my choreography solid and yet, I struggled. The primary reason for the struggle? My Critical Mind would NOT shut up!!
When you’re on stage, your Observing Mind is on full alert. You must be aware of every actor’s actions and lines. You have props you’re tracking, costumes to work in and you’re even gauging the audience’s reaction to get your timing just right. You’re working to react to every planned event as if it was the very first time it has ever happened. In order for this to be successful your Observing Mind and your Critical Mind must work in tandem. However, on these two nights it appears that my Critical Mind decided he was the guy in charge. I was no longer making observations and then acting wisely. Rather, I was making judgments….hundreds of them. “Why would you do that? You’ve never done it that way before.” “Wow! That note was terrible, good thing the audience isn’t running for the door.” “If only you were skinnier.” “Definitely should have done more cardio this year.” “Two left feet, here she comes!” “They aren’t laughing where last night’s audience did must mean you aren’t funny.”
So, did all of these fantastically specific criticisms and judgments make for a better performance? You already know the answer. No, they did not. Instead, my character was flat and at times almost robotic, my songs were accurate, but without feeling. Did it teach me for the next performance? No, it did not. Instead, I went home and thought through all of the judgments and berated myself internally for all the flaws and then berated myself for “staying stuck in my head.” I was full on judging myself for judging (not very productive thought process). It was at this moment that my previous conversation came flooding back. Had I mixed up my Observing Mind for my Critical Mind? Absolutely!
So, prior to the next performance I made a conscious decision to spend time connecting with my Observing Mind and giving it the highest priority. I made the choice to allow the Observing Mind to communicate to me, but limited the Critical Mind’s voice and focused on being very present while on stage. Did I forget my lines because my Critical Mind wasn’t there to remind me of it? Nope. Did I foul up the choreography? Just a little (it’s not my strong suit). What did happen? Well, my body did all the things I had trained so hard for it to do, my voice cooperated, my interactions with cast mates were genuine and fun, and the audience had a great time!
So, what does that mean for my daily life? It means I have to recognize that just because my Observing Mind notices I’m having a thought or emotion, doesn’t mean I have to allow the Critical Mind to take over. It’s ok to notice something and to choose not to act. It’s ok to sit with things just a bit. It’s ok to actually observe without judgment. Is it easy? NO! In fact just this morning, I was pulling into the local coffee shop for my breakfast and the individual in the car behind me was making a weird face and immediately the thought went through my mind, “I really dislike that guy!” I quickly recognized this as my Critical Mind. I don’t even know this man! Readjusted my thought to be an observation of the face the man made and made a conscious decision to recalibrate my internal settings before I begin my work day.
If you find yourself mixing up these two minds, guess what! You’re human! Why not choose to focus on observing life today, just as it is without trying to change it. See how that feels, just for today!