The title of this blog comes from a 2006 Adam Sandler Film (for the trailer you can look here, note the show is PG-13) called “Click”. This movie tells the story of the ‘stereotypical father’, who has the thought that wouldn’t it be nice if you could “fast forward” through some of the less pleasant parts of life? For example, through the morning traffic, or through your boss’ latest tirade, or your spouse’s nagging or children’s whining? Wouldn’t it be nice if you could just speed through things, just a little bit. As with most comedies, his plans go awry and without giving too much away, he begins to discover that speeding through these mundane parts of life ends up costing him the ability to slow down and enjoy the parts of life he finds pleasurable.
I’m not 100 percent sure why this movie came to mind, but I think it was because of a special event in my family. Yesterday, much of my family gathered on the other side of the country to celebrate the dedication of my newest niece. Thanks to technology, I got to watch the ceremony via Facebook Live and enjoy the party via pictures later on.
There’s something magical about these milestones. And when we gather as a family or tribe to celebrate these moments, we find ourselves both reminiscing on the past and dreaming of the future. Yesterday, this process brought me (as it usually does) to reminiscing and dreaming on both the good and the past. My mind turned to dreams fulfilled, and dreams still broken. My mind turned to the struggles, triumphs and defeats.
Then, I saw it. The blue sky (a bit of a rarity in my home for the past eight years of Northwest Ohio), the gentle breeze and beautiful warmth with just a touch of chill (again, a bit of a rarity). In that moment, it was like all I wanted to do more than anything was to push pause on the “remote control” of my life. To just sit and enjoy it for a moment.
I have spent much of my life living in rewind or fast forward. I doubt that I’m the only one. Why do we do it? Well, for one thing it’s less painful, or so we believe. I find this is often my reason for living in fast forward. By planning out the future, seeing it in as vivid detail as I can, I escape the pain and discomfort of the waiting for just a few minutes. Problem is, when the dreaming stops, I’m left with the same waiting and pain I started with and usually a sense of “lost time” or being overwhelmed with all I have to do in this moment (for more check out the blog What’s So Wrong With Avoiding?).
I also live in rewind. I think about the past, both the positive and the negative. If only I was back there I could be happier. If only I was that age again, or that weight. If only I made a different choice back then. If only that dream had been granted. What did I do to deserve that? How did I get here? I remember a time when I was younger and my mother told me she thought I was clinging so hard to all the dreams that never came true, that I wasn’t open to the dreams that could come true today (or something to that affect).
It’s not all bad!!!! We should reminisce!!! I love sitting and telling stories about family members as we laugh and enjoy the bumps along the way, even if we don’t always agree on the endings. I love remembering when my older niece and nephews were tiny and wanted nothing more than to sit in my lap. Now you couldn’t get the older boys to cuddle without some MAJOR bribing (Patriots tickets maybe?). Reminiscing can be good. Even reflecting on what has happened that led us here is an important part of healing. It’s okay to acknowledge that we have not always been wise. It’s necessary to acknowledge that we have been hurt. None of us have landed where we are by happenstance. Looking back is essential.
We should dream!!! Having a dream and a purpose in life is incredibly important. Not only does it help us navigate this life, but it is directly linked to positive feelings and a decrease in depression and anxiety. We should look to the future. Knowing what we’re looking forward to, and what we hope for is a big part of what keeps us all waking up each day.
AND on this day, it struck me. Maybe this is why life goes by so fast. As a child, I was still a dreamer, ask anyone. I still loved dreaming about what would come, but I spent most of my day living in the present. Children are innately more attuned to their senses than we are. They explore textures, and sights and sounds and aromas on a daily basis. As an adult, I have memories that are more spread apart, often with less detail. While I can tell you what I did in 2017, can I tell you what happened in February of that year? Can I tell you what I had for lunch exactly a week ago?
I can’t. And part of that is because my brain, as amazing as it is, is limited. I fill it with responsibilities, and planning, and pressures and stress. And it MUST decide which memories are important enough to keep and which can be “forgotten” for now. The other part is, perhaps I didn’t take the time to notice it when it was happening. Perhaps I have taken the walk to my favorite lunch spot as a given. It’s the same road, often the same people, the same time of day. So, perhaps I’ve forgotten to use my senses and enjoy the sun, the breeze, the rain, the textures of grass and concrete, the sounds of laughter or tears from others on my trip. In fact, I know I have.
I want to look back at the analogy my mother gave me. Sometimes in my life, I have chosen to hold on to hurts for longer than I needed. At times, the hurts and grief were just so deep I had no idea how to let them go. Now, all these years later, when this image comes to mind I try to use it as a reminder to be open to what is before me. And so, if you were a fly on the wall you might just see me take my hands open palms up, and then close my eyes and turn them upside down. This is just a very quick ritual that allows me to remember that these things don’t cease to exist, that the pain is still there, the dreams may be yet unfulfilled, AND that I can choose IN that moment to be open TO that moment. For me, it’s helpful.
Other ways that can help you stay in this moment is to use your senses. Stop for just a moment and, like a child, see what you can see, smell, taste, hear, and feel. There is ALWAYS a taste in your mouth, even if you’re not eating. There may not be words to describe it, and that’s okay. Just notice it. When you’re with a friend, a spouse, or a child, for just 10 minutes focus fully on them. Notice the way that their voice has a cadence all its own. Notice the flecks of color that make up their eyes. Notice the smells around you. Choose to capture that moment and experience it fully. Choose not to multi-task.
Life is not all cut and dry. Life requires multi-tasking. Life requires both reminiscing and future planning. And yet, I think if we can accept that life does not have a pause button. If we can choose to let it play at its own speed rather than living in fast forward or rewind, then MAYBE we might find that life isn’t flying by as fast as we think it is.